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yallathat one writer who's too himejoshi
one thing about me i will find a way to bruteforce yuri into existence even if the text in question is gender-bender romcom m/f endgame.. commentary under the cut
welllll this year i got into all guy's mixer.. i think it was bc of that tweet that was like "finally... heterosexual yaoi..." but i rlly did end up having fun so here we are. smoking dick. obviously i didn't think i was going to grow particularly invested in the m/f bc i'm really not that type but what i did Not expect was to start having femslash fantasies like MAN WHAT IS UR PROBLEM. but anyways i rlly want fujisuo to - [LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]
uhhh that is to say, i think their dynamic is rlly fun. i am not immune to the appeal of two handsome women but also the Those Two Guys of it all is rlly fucking good. never underestimate the power of two guys standing next to each other and talking like seriously... they like each other. but also the hints of rivalry like in the zoo and camping chapters or whatever.... man. i think other than my insane 2picking (that’s not even rlly insane like it is not my fault fuji loves everyone.) what rlly cemented it for me was CHAPTER 44 like what could be more yuri than messing with ur coworker’s boytoy just to get a reaction out of her. nothing!!!!!!!!!!!
and another thing about me i’ll feed me. rlly i just wanted to write fujisuo kissing but then i was slammed with my all-consuming love for COWORKERISMS and WEIRD TRIANGULATIONS even and especially when the third leg isn’t present..... and what was i going to do, say no? god forbid. although it ended up being 2k words more than i expected, i shan’t complain. lord knows my wc this year needed it…
construction
FIRST OFF as i said i rlly did just want to write them kissing but then my own predilections began to show and it was like well this might as well happen. it’s probably like 2k words of a former part-time janitor, 1k words of a guy who trawled the bartenders reddit too long, 500 words of yuri, and the rest just being WEIRD AND ODD. that’s jazzclub for u... it's entirely predicated on fuji having something wrong with her and being weirdly possessive even about things/people that don't belong to her to begin with. am i insane well yes but it's in the text with ASAGI i just decided that maybe the complexes include all her immediate friends ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like suo. i think fuji doesn't let go of things she loves and i think she loves a lot of things and people. LIKE SUO. tokiwa literally isn't the only person with close proximity to suo who sees her as a normal-ass person FUJI IS RIGHT THERE. AND COWORKERS WITH HER!!!!! with this in mind chapter 44 of the manga is obviously her fake-triangulating suo into jealousy bc of LOVE,
anyway the title is from the slayeristic LOVE&GAME (mezzo" and also my friend ryuunosuke tsunashi). the lyric translated is like hey girl an immoral love has already started next to you and is in itself a reference to the first verse of the song which is like hey girl can i sit here / next to you... crazy equation of the self to the love in question. and how this ties to the fic is that throughout the piece there are a number of references to distance... steps taken, steps apart, etc. genre-savvy fuji does realize that a romance has started next to suo but she also knows that due to GENERIC LIMITATIONS the one next to suo is not her, thus the love story is one that cannot involve the two of them together!!!!
aside from getting yuri tunnel vision during the first draft and publishing the fic and then having to walk it back like MAN THIS ISN'T EVEN REAL I HAVE TO PUT IN MORE REFERENCES TO THE CANON PAIRS... the writing process itself was kinda so easy. descended upon me like the holy spirit as dove, wrote a bunch of it during time off while i was doing fuckall. writing people who talk to each other is so nice... and i rlly do love coworker interactions so it was like (nodding) yeah. fuji's voice was simple due to my belief that she loves a lot of things and people and also is kinda severely romantic so the pov didn't give me too much difficulty overall... THANK GOD. the entire fic is essentially one scene so i didn't have to worry about moving location, so to speak, which is where writing gets sooooo dicey for me bc i either default to non-chronological even when it doesn't WORK with the piece, or i get caught up in the realism and it's like girl we do not care about the walk to the back of the house. cut to the chase!! the figurative on-location shooting felt really natural and i got to play around a little with movement in tandem with "plot"... hopefully it worked out and the bartending scenes weren't boring as fuck BC I HAD FUN.... and fujisuo isn't endgame in canon which also facilitates my allergy to conclusive happy endings like THE STARS REALLY ALIGNED FOR ME.. SOMEHOW I WROTE THIS IN TWO WEEKS which is unheard of for me like uhhhh i guess i rlly have to get on that pacrim next year.. orz
themes/symbols/etc
the repetition of "only Suo," which at first is about how fuji knows tokiwa views suo, but is repeated both during the kiss and after as a pseudo-reveal like wait... isn't there someone we're forgetting in the hypothetical room of potential suo suitors...? this was mostly just me slamming my fist on the table like AND WHAT ABOUT YURI? but well u know. that's how writing works sometimes. i think it's important that fuji doesn't gaf about suo's princeliness like that's just the way she is.. it doesn't have to be anything more than that.. SHE'S ONLY SUO!!! they see each other :(
two steps back/1.5 steps apart > the line about tokiwa’s fear/general obliviousness (half step forward, two steps back) vs suo’s (one step) advances gives the distance between them a total of a step and a half. most of the times steps are mentioned thereafter is a direct reference to this line which is why two and 1.5 crop up more than once. fuji takes two steps back when she pushes into the narrative of the kiss only being for practice for tokiwa, but the distance between her and suo is still only a step and a half when she's leaving the bar. more forced parallels to tokiwa’s and fuji’s presences in suo’s life. THE TITLE!!
finally there is the antique store sign having a nine-second interval between flickers bc 9 = 九 = く = 苦. BITTER HARDSHIP SUFFERING. i was just going to go with the low-hanging fruit of 4 = 死 and then was like well four seconds is too EASY everyone knows four means death BE MORE CAGEY. and it's also too short for fuji to believably not bother counting the time before blink in the introduction etc etc. let’s have portents of doom.... fuji’s unintentional exercises in self-flagellation. at the end the light catches her attention as the door closes even though she could have held it open, and she doesn't get to gauge Which expression suo is using as they say goodbye... too caught up in the terror and the way things have to be (suotoki fujiasa shipmates) to look at suo’s last smile (THE LOVE THERE...!!!!!!) - which i personally think was indeed her real not-patron smile but we’ll never know now.. because the door is closed...... and doors are so obvious symbols so i won't bother explaining that one. tbh there's not a lot going on thematically except for the vague sense of fatalism which is also compulsory heterosexuality. which i didn't even intentionally throw in there but that is present bc being himejoshi is suffering... moving on...
deleted scenes
well technically they're less scenes in themselves and more fragmented sentences and portions OF scenes but u know....
other notes
• all the bar stuff is just me nodding sagely like 1) i love research even if it goes nowhere and 2) how many KARAHASHI CAMEOS can i fit into this bad boy. trust there is a hashibami bar boss genfic with karahashi characteristics deep in my notes
• also no one is going to notice this unless they’re crazy like meeeee or if they read these notes but the rose bar floor is probably some sort of tile based on all glimpses we get of it in canon. i won't say Definitely bc idk maybe they have some fucked up wood that looks like tile (coping)... possibly stone probably linoleum but who can rlly say... however, I LIKE HARDWOOD. AND THE KARASUBA PRIDE IN BEING TOKEN BAR HANDYMAN (THAT I MADE THE FUCK UP) REFERENCES WOULDN’T WORK IF IT WAS TILE. tbh it seems like a pretty bougie bar and i wouldn’t expect spillage to be too crazy AND it’s my fic i pick the flooring!!!!!! SO IT’S HARDWOOD!!!
• suo uses frederic malle portrait of a lady bc i think she’s both rich and vaguely vampiric and she’s noted to smell really good by tokiwa who i would assume prefers more feminine/floral scents on women so. while i'm writing headcanons i think fuji leans toward more unisex fresh/citrus/green scents and kohaku doesn't really do perfume but she probably smells baby powder Esque or something. in my mind karasuba the token real butch tends to use fragrances with #masc warm amber/musk notes (think all those descriptions that are like "OLD LEATHER" or whatever the fuck) and hashibami would probably be on that aquatic blue scent wave. to ME
• there was a line initially after suo asks fuji what’s in the old-fashioned like “Fuji wonders how Suo even managed to keep the job for so long if she still doesn’t know the IBA list of classic cocktails.” SHE WOULD NOT FUCKING THINK THAT. for one thing fuji is so kind to people who don’t know anything even when she shouldn’t be tbh like ughhhhh we love you.... also it is obvious that suo is kinda the breadwinner of the bar due to her high ranking and everyone knows it. finally it is a fair question like idk maybe fuji was feeling sillay and used brown sugar and a different type of whiskey or something. but i rlly like the idea of their strengths being in different areas of the bar orz
• "Fuji could snatch [Tokiwa] up" > chapter 44 gave me so much.
• post-kiss fuji begins reading suo as treating her like just another guest and there are no more references to champagne-bubbly laughs or eye smiles. bc suo doesn’t think of fuji like that so no matter what the similarities are btwn how tokiwa and fuji both see suo, fujisuo will never happen - you can never be my prince because you’re a girl etc etc. at least this is how fuji understands it. whether or not that is the truth is another matter entirely. now that i think of it this is just tadt again. fml
• it wasn’t my intention but this fic was kinda sooo comphet. like why WOULD fujisuo be doomed/not real if not for the simple fact that asagi and tokiwa are their m/f mainship counterparts in the overarching narrative of life. shaking my head what are we doing to our beautiful gnc queens...
favorites
end notes
i must reiterate i don’t think fuji actually wants suo like on a material level as a girlfriend or fwb or whatever bc if this were the case then she would be orchestrating situations. when fuji knows what she wants she chases it that’s just how she is. but that doesn't mean she can't get a little annoyed when the principal target of her affections is a stupid MAN (my words not hers. fuji is so kind <3). i'm not heterophobic (LOOK AT MY M/F FIC COUNT I AM AN ALLY)... except when i am.
but anyway i was glad i could get another work out before the end of the year.. especially bc i was like omfg DON'T LET ME LOSE TO 2022'S SINGLE-WORK WORD COUNT I'LL KMS.. it didn't feel like pulling teeth, the words aren't horrifically sweaty, i got to write femslash... all in all i had fun!!
one thing about me i will find a way to bruteforce yuri into existence even if the text in question is gender-bender romcom m/f endgame.. commentary under the cut
welllll this year i got into all guy's mixer.. i think it was bc of that tweet that was like "finally... heterosexual yaoi..." but i rlly did end up having fun so here we are. smoking dick. obviously i didn't think i was going to grow particularly invested in the m/f bc i'm really not that type but what i did Not expect was to start having femslash fantasies like MAN WHAT IS UR PROBLEM. but anyways i rlly want fujisuo to - [LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]
uhhh that is to say, i think their dynamic is rlly fun. i am not immune to the appeal of two handsome women but also the Those Two Guys of it all is rlly fucking good. never underestimate the power of two guys standing next to each other and talking like seriously... they like each other. but also the hints of rivalry like in the zoo and camping chapters or whatever.... man. i think other than my insane 2picking (that’s not even rlly insane like it is not my fault fuji loves everyone.) what rlly cemented it for me was CHAPTER 44 like what could be more yuri than messing with ur coworker’s boytoy just to get a reaction out of her. nothing!!!!!!!!!!!
and another thing about me i’ll feed me. rlly i just wanted to write fujisuo kissing but then i was slammed with my all-consuming love for COWORKERISMS and WEIRD TRIANGULATIONS even and especially when the third leg isn’t present..... and what was i going to do, say no? god forbid. although it ended up being 2k words more than i expected, i shan’t complain. lord knows my wc this year needed it…
construction
FIRST OFF as i said i rlly did just want to write them kissing but then my own predilections began to show and it was like well this might as well happen. it’s probably like 2k words of a former part-time janitor, 1k words of a guy who trawled the bartenders reddit too long, 500 words of yuri, and the rest just being WEIRD AND ODD. that’s jazzclub for u... it's entirely predicated on fuji having something wrong with her and being weirdly possessive even about things/people that don't belong to her to begin with. am i insane well yes but it's in the text with ASAGI i just decided that maybe the complexes include all her immediate friends ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like suo. i think fuji doesn't let go of things she loves and i think she loves a lot of things and people. LIKE SUO. tokiwa literally isn't the only person with close proximity to suo who sees her as a normal-ass person FUJI IS RIGHT THERE. AND COWORKERS WITH HER!!!!! with this in mind chapter 44 of the manga is obviously her fake-triangulating suo into jealousy bc of LOVE,
anyway the title is from the slayeristic LOVE&GAME (mezzo" and also my friend ryuunosuke tsunashi). the lyric translated is like hey girl an immoral love has already started next to you and is in itself a reference to the first verse of the song which is like hey girl can i sit here / next to you... crazy equation of the self to the love in question. and how this ties to the fic is that throughout the piece there are a number of references to distance... steps taken, steps apart, etc. genre-savvy fuji does realize that a romance has started next to suo but she also knows that due to GENERIC LIMITATIONS the one next to suo is not her, thus the love story is one that cannot involve the two of them together!!!!
aside from getting yuri tunnel vision during the first draft and publishing the fic and then having to walk it back like MAN THIS ISN'T EVEN REAL I HAVE TO PUT IN MORE REFERENCES TO THE CANON PAIRS... the writing process itself was kinda so easy. descended upon me like the holy spirit as dove, wrote a bunch of it during time off while i was doing fuckall. writing people who talk to each other is so nice... and i rlly do love coworker interactions so it was like (nodding) yeah. fuji's voice was simple due to my belief that she loves a lot of things and people and also is kinda severely romantic so the pov didn't give me too much difficulty overall... THANK GOD. the entire fic is essentially one scene so i didn't have to worry about moving location, so to speak, which is where writing gets sooooo dicey for me bc i either default to non-chronological even when it doesn't WORK with the piece, or i get caught up in the realism and it's like girl we do not care about the walk to the back of the house. cut to the chase!! the figurative on-location shooting felt really natural and i got to play around a little with movement in tandem with "plot"... hopefully it worked out and the bartending scenes weren't boring as fuck BC I HAD FUN.... and fujisuo isn't endgame in canon which also facilitates my allergy to conclusive happy endings like THE STARS REALLY ALIGNED FOR ME.. SOMEHOW I WROTE THIS IN TWO WEEKS which is unheard of for me like uhhhh i guess i rlly have to get on that pacrim next year.. orz
themes/symbols/etc
the repetition of "only Suo," which at first is about how fuji knows tokiwa views suo, but is repeated both during the kiss and after as a pseudo-reveal like wait... isn't there someone we're forgetting in the hypothetical room of potential suo suitors...? this was mostly just me slamming my fist on the table like AND WHAT ABOUT YURI? but well u know. that's how writing works sometimes. i think it's important that fuji doesn't gaf about suo's princeliness like that's just the way she is.. it doesn't have to be anything more than that.. SHE'S ONLY SUO!!! they see each other :(
two steps back/1.5 steps apart > the line about tokiwa’s fear/general obliviousness (half step forward, two steps back) vs suo’s (one step) advances gives the distance between them a total of a step and a half. most of the times steps are mentioned thereafter is a direct reference to this line which is why two and 1.5 crop up more than once. fuji takes two steps back when she pushes into the narrative of the kiss only being for practice for tokiwa, but the distance between her and suo is still only a step and a half when she's leaving the bar. more forced parallels to tokiwa’s and fuji’s presences in suo’s life. THE TITLE!!
finally there is the antique store sign having a nine-second interval between flickers bc 9 = 九 = く = 苦. BITTER HARDSHIP SUFFERING. i was just going to go with the low-hanging fruit of 4 = 死 and then was like well four seconds is too EASY everyone knows four means death BE MORE CAGEY. and it's also too short for fuji to believably not bother counting the time before blink in the introduction etc etc. let’s have portents of doom.... fuji’s unintentional exercises in self-flagellation. at the end the light catches her attention as the door closes even though she could have held it open, and she doesn't get to gauge Which expression suo is using as they say goodbye... too caught up in the terror and the way things have to be (suotoki fujiasa shipmates) to look at suo’s last smile (THE LOVE THERE...!!!!!!) - which i personally think was indeed her real not-patron smile but we’ll never know now.. because the door is closed...... and doors are so obvious symbols so i won't bother explaining that one. tbh there's not a lot going on thematically except for the vague sense of fatalism which is also compulsory heterosexuality. which i didn't even intentionally throw in there but that is present bc being himejoshi is suffering... moving on...
deleted scenes
well technically they're less scenes in themselves and more fragmented sentences and portions OF scenes but u know....
It was them, but then it was the boys, and then Tokiwa, and then — well, Fuji hates to let anything go, even if it was never really in her grasp to begin with. If she cupped her hands beneath a fountain, even if she couldn’t hold the water, she would still hate how it slipped past her fingers.
- • was unwieldy but i rllyyy wanted to make my views known. but u know at the end of the day i like ambiguity so i hope the readers (all two of them) do too….!
It isn’t that Fuji wants Suo so much that Fuji wants first pick of everything. Best seat in the house. Kohaku’s pictures, Asagi’s free time, Suo’s champagne laugh bubbling up past her throat.
- • same thing. it just did not fit anywhere and i basically transmuted it into what’s now the brief tokiwa-fuji-suo convention line metaphor I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING IN HER. GUYS
the lights are hitting her eyes at an angle that calls to mind no small number of love realizations. These are all good material. Suo’s been good material for as long as Fuji’s known her, and even though she doesn’t think much of Tokiwa, when he’s next to her, the material is even better. Which is why... / She’s only Suo to Fuji, too, but this isn’t the genre for it, and Fuji has other targets in her sights, besides.
- • initially there were many more references to genre, material-gathering, etc, but i didn't like the material-gathering implications that fuji does in fact think of suo more as muse than as person bc it didn't reflect my thesis. i did kinda use the genre line (considered not using it but figured fuji probably would think something like that even if she wasn't navel-gazing about it) but it's much more throwaway in the final work i think. the "only suo" line here was right after fuji reasoning why suo likes tokiwa but it brought the jealousy up too obviously too early in the work so i scrapped it
because Suo can play something without any of her own baggage interfering. because she is a blank slate. Fuji doesn’t know too much about Suo’s personal life, but given the lack of hobbies, it’s a safe guess that the latter isn’t invested in anything
- • she would not fucking think this
she presses her mouth to suo’s neck, breathing in that smoky rose scent, counting the abnormally-fast pound of her pulse. there is something endlessly satisfying about getting a reaction out of suo
- • sorry for always throwing in something about necks and pulses in my kiss scenes it rlly just happens hfajkdhjahfd i had to take this one out for exactly that reason like THEY ARE NOT DOING ALL THAT. RELAX
Fuji draws back, listening intently to Suo’s shallow breathing, her attempts to smooth it out, and considers. Suo doesn't succeed, a rare weakness, but she says tersely, “That’s enough.” Her voice trembles, betraying her, but Fuji lets go of her hands without another word. It wouldn’t be hard to fall for someone like this.
- • it wasn't delicious at all to have suo be the one to have them stop bc then it becomes a clear case of suo not wanting fuji. which may or may not be true but with fuji being the one to back off first there is still room for interpretation.... also i really wanted to slap in something along the lines of "suo's so easy. easy to please, easy to fool, easy to fall for" or alternatively "it isn't hard to love someone like suo" but again it wasn't cagey enough so it turned into that one throwaway line about suo being so easy sometimes which according to me, the author, accomplishes the same thing, and additionally links her/fuji's feelings toward her to asagi/fuji's feelings toward asagi who is mentioned in the very next sentence. but jury's out on that one
other notes
• all the bar stuff is just me nodding sagely like 1) i love research even if it goes nowhere and 2) how many KARAHASHI CAMEOS can i fit into this bad boy. trust there is a hashibami bar boss genfic with karahashi characteristics deep in my notes
• also no one is going to notice this unless they’re crazy like meeeee or if they read these notes but the rose bar floor is probably some sort of tile based on all glimpses we get of it in canon. i won't say Definitely bc idk maybe they have some fucked up wood that looks like tile (coping)... possibly stone probably linoleum but who can rlly say... however, I LIKE HARDWOOD. AND THE KARASUBA PRIDE IN BEING TOKEN BAR HANDYMAN (THAT I MADE THE FUCK UP) REFERENCES WOULDN’T WORK IF IT WAS TILE. tbh it seems like a pretty bougie bar and i wouldn’t expect spillage to be too crazy AND it’s my fic i pick the flooring!!!!!! SO IT’S HARDWOOD!!!
• suo uses frederic malle portrait of a lady bc i think she’s both rich and vaguely vampiric and she’s noted to smell really good by tokiwa who i would assume prefers more feminine/floral scents on women so. while i'm writing headcanons i think fuji leans toward more unisex fresh/citrus/green scents and kohaku doesn't really do perfume but she probably smells baby powder Esque or something. in my mind karasuba the token real butch tends to use fragrances with #masc warm amber/musk notes (think all those descriptions that are like "OLD LEATHER" or whatever the fuck) and hashibami would probably be on that aquatic blue scent wave. to ME
• there was a line initially after suo asks fuji what’s in the old-fashioned like “Fuji wonders how Suo even managed to keep the job for so long if she still doesn’t know the IBA list of classic cocktails.” SHE WOULD NOT FUCKING THINK THAT. for one thing fuji is so kind to people who don’t know anything even when she shouldn’t be tbh like ughhhhh we love you.... also it is obvious that suo is kinda the breadwinner of the bar due to her high ranking and everyone knows it. finally it is a fair question like idk maybe fuji was feeling sillay and used brown sugar and a different type of whiskey or something. but i rlly like the idea of their strengths being in different areas of the bar orz
• "Fuji could snatch [Tokiwa] up" > chapter 44 gave me so much.
• post-kiss fuji begins reading suo as treating her like just another guest and there are no more references to champagne-bubbly laughs or eye smiles. bc suo doesn’t think of fuji like that so no matter what the similarities are btwn how tokiwa and fuji both see suo, fujisuo will never happen - you can never be my prince because you’re a girl etc etc. at least this is how fuji understands it. whether or not that is the truth is another matter entirely. now that i think of it this is just tadt again. fml
• it wasn’t my intention but this fic was kinda sooo comphet. like why WOULD fujisuo be doomed/not real if not for the simple fact that asagi and tokiwa are their m/f mainship counterparts in the overarching narrative of life. shaking my head what are we doing to our beautiful gnc queens...
favorites
The grin splits into a delighted laugh, one that springs into the air like fresh champagne from an uncorked bottle.
- • everything is so romantic.. i did like the alcoholic drink similes. there weren't a lot bc i knew it'd get old fast and also i've never had a full drink in my life but i did like this line a lot.....
Her sleeves are still rolled up. When she twists the ring on her finger, the muscles of her forearm shift delicately beneath her skin.
- • I LIKE THE PHYSICALITY OF THINGS... had way too much fun with the fact that fuji is deadpan but observant like yeah she would mentally wax poetic about her coworkerbestie. yeah she would think about the way suo's muscles move under her skin. but she doesn't show or dwell on any of it so suo is just doing her thing being handsome and fuji just takes it as a fact of life.. IS-ISM IS SO GOOD SOMETIMES
Tokiwa-kun won’t do this to you, Fuji thinks. Suo probably knows it, too, but her hands still move to cup Fuji’s face, like that would somehow improve her technique for another kissing partner in the near future. The motion has a clumsy earnestness more charming than any suave line she’s ever uttered. No one else knows this side of her, because right now she isn’t the prince of their bar, she’s only Suo. And the one who got to her first is Fuji. The back of her neck is warm against Fuji’s palm. Something about this fact is endlessly satisfying.
- • sometimes weird freaky jealousy is the way.. also weird triangulation moment. even if the final leg of fujitoki is fake and evil trust that i will have my triangles anyway... have u heard about chapter 44
end notes
i must reiterate i don’t think fuji actually wants suo like on a material level as a girlfriend or fwb or whatever bc if this were the case then she would be orchestrating situations. when fuji knows what she wants she chases it that’s just how she is. but that doesn't mean she can't get a little annoyed when the principal target of her affections is a stupid MAN (my words not hers. fuji is so kind <3). i'm not heterophobic (LOOK AT MY M/F FIC COUNT I AM AN ALLY)... except when i am.
but anyway i was glad i could get another work out before the end of the year.. especially bc i was like omfg DON'T LET ME LOSE TO 2022'S SINGLE-WORK WORD COUNT I'LL KMS.. it didn't feel like pulling teeth, the words aren't horrifically sweaty, i got to write femslash... all in all i had fun!!
